


Not a love story

by Markhyuckisrealaf



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, It is not a love story, M/M, Tw: pls dont read it if you had been in an abusive relationship before, im sorry, it really isnt, mentions of past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 03:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12855969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markhyuckisrealaf/pseuds/Markhyuckisrealaf
Summary: They weren't boyfriends, they weren't lovers, they weren't friends. They were just two people who found their long lost comfort in each other's embrace...





	Not a love story

**Author's Note:**

> tw: metions of a past abusive relationship. please don't read it if you had been in a relationship like that before or if you think it will trigger you in any possible way.

It was a few minutes passing three a.m when he heard the knock on the door. He turned on the small lamp on his drawer beside his bed and checked the time. He sighed when the person in front of the door knocked again. He didn't need to check the door viewer to see who it was. He knew that knocking, he knew the way that knuckle of the index finger's knock on his wooden door. He knew who it was.

So he got up from the bed, walked to the main door of his flat and opened it just to see the person he knew he will see, standing in front of him.

They didn't talk, they didn't even say a "hi", they just looked each other for a few minutes in compelete silence before the red haired one held the blonde one's hand and pulled him inside gently. He kept pulling him till they arrived his bedroom. He lied down on his bed and pulled the blonde one towards himself slowly, making him lay beside him then wrapped his arms around him in a protective way. Other boy's face was on his chest, his soft, pale, porcelain like cheeks were pressing on the other's beautiful, tan skinned collarbone.

They still didn't talk. They just lied there, in each other's tight and familiar embrace. Saying nothing, doing nothing, knowing thats all they need. The comfort, the peacefullness, the sweet warmth that they found in their embrace. That was all they needed.

They weren't boyfriends, or lovers, or friends with benefits, or best friends,they weren't even sure if they could call each other "friend" cause friends would call each other and keep in contact all the time, not just when they need each other. Right ? So no, they weren't friends too. 

They were just two lonely, suffering people that found comfort in each other's embrace...

Thats all they ever were...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Today she was different" the blonde boy talked into the sweet, vanilla smelling skin under his cheeks "she acted like she actually liked me back"

The other boy was just listening and humming when he felt like it was needed. He started caressing other's arm gently when he heard how his voice cracked and went small in his next sentence.

"But it all was just an act....she was...she was playing with me again..."

He held tightly onto the cream colored, soft, silky pyjama top under his hands.

"But she still invited me to her bedroom, to her bed, to her....to herself..."

Now the red haired one was caressing his hair tenderly but still didnt say a single word, he was still silently listening the soft but small voice of the other boy's.

"At times like that she looks like she likes me too. Maybe cause she feels so high and thats why her smile seems so sweet. I don't know. But i...i want to believe that there is a chance that she can love me back...but i know it is a hopeless hope...i know she can never love me back...i know she "wouldnt" love me back even if she can...i know she just uses me. My love for her, my money, my body, everything of me...but when i feel her skin on my own, when i feel her breathe on my ear, when i hear her voice comes out so sweet, only for me in that moment...i feel like she does...love me..."

The boy who was listening silently till now kissed the teary eyed one's forehead softly and whispered a sweet,calming "it's okay"

He knew this was all he needed to hear in that moment. He didnt need those empty comforting words or the "you can find better girls than her"s or "stop being pitiful and leave her already". No. He just needed an "it's okay". And the boy who was holding him was aware of it. He knew it. Better than anyone. Even better than the boy in his arms.

The blonde one just gave him a small smile as if he meant to say "thank you" then burried his face on his chest and cried his heart out, sobs getting muffled by the broad, big chest that he is pressing his face into.

The red haired one kept caressing the blonde ones' hair and started singing a lullaby to calm him down and hopefully to send him to dreamland.

When his tears dried on his cheeks and little snorings started coming out of his thin lips, the younger one reached forward to turn off his lamp and lied back down beside him, pecking his forehead one last time before hugging him and falling asleep himself.

Blonde one saw her face in his dreams again while the red haired one saw someone who he wished he'll never see again. He felt his scar beside his eye burned when he saw the man's filthily smirking face and his cold eyes. The eyes that a million shivers down his body and made him want to hide under his blanket like a little child to get protected from the monsters in his closet...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His phone rang once. Just once. It was a kind of unwritten and unsaid rule between them. They never talked on the phone nor did they ever called each other any other times than when they were in so much need of comfort. And when they called each other it was just one ring of the phone. Just one.

He knew he was going to come to his house. he knew it as well as he knew his own name. So he just saw down on his bed, lights all turned on, cause he couldn't handle the darkness when he was alone. When he was alone in his cold bed and already dark on the inside. He didn't need more darkness...

And when he heard the softest knocks ever on his door he got up from his bed and ran to the door to open it and pull the boy in front of him to the tighest hug ever. Because he knew that the softer he knocked on his door, the more pain he was in...

When he opened the door, he saw the boy in his smallest form he had ever seen. He was on the floor, knees pulled to his chest by his arms around them, face is getting wet with waterfall like tears, body is shaking like a leaf caught in a rough wind, lips are shaking while he kept repeating "i'm sorry" over and over again with the most frightened tone ever he heard from him.

He knelt down to look at the boy's face better and put his hands on air as the way to ask "can i ?". The boy didn't answer and it was his answer to push his hands forward slowly, cupping his face in his palms, fingers caressing his flushed cheeks gently, making the tears of the boy flow harder.

"What happened ?" He asked in the softest way he can to not hurt him more.

He looked up with his eyes full of tears and choked on them when he tried to say "i broke the vase". Then he talked again, in a broken tone again. "I'm sorry"

He knew he was expecting a yell, an insult, some nasty words about how such a failure he is, how useless he is, maybe even a slap on his cheek and it broke his heart into million pieces. He didn't know who hurted such a sweet hearted, kind souled angel like him that much but he hated that man anyway. Because this boy, whose smile was brighter than the sun when he smiled, deserved all the happiness in this world, not the pain that kills him on the inside every single day.

He didn't asked "which vase ?" or "are you okay ?". Those weren't the questions he had to ask in that moment. He knew what the boy needed the most in that moment so he leaned forward, slowly, careful like he was reaching out to hold a new born kitty to not scare him away, and hugged him. Softly at first but then his hold tightened when the boy wrapped his hands around him back and sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry"

He just kissed his head softly and said "it's okay". He knew he needed to hear this...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He was in my room again...looking...looking at me with those cold eyes and i...i knocked down the vase on the table accidently and he...he said i fucked up again..."

They were lying on the blonde's huge bed while the red haired was talking to his chest, his voice was coming out like he was forcing himself to talk. He was.

"H-he said i...he said maybe i should fall down and get broken completely like that vase...i-i said i'm so sorry but he kept yelling at me...i...i was really sorry...i am so sorry..."

Tears were wetting his shirt again but this wasn't what made the older one mad. He stopped caressing the small hand of younger's that he cleaned and took care of a few minutes ago and cuppee his face to look at him in the eyes.

"It wasn't your fault"

"B-but i-"

"Donghyuck"

His hold on mark's hands tightened and a gasp escaped from his shaking lips.

"You didn't do anything wrong"

"B-but i-i broke the vase"

Mark leaned more to get closer to his face.

"It wasn't your fault. Accidents happens all the time. I broke a coffee cup yesterday. Do you think it was my fault ? Do you think i am a failure ?"

He shook his head but mark knew just a few comforting sentences weren't enough to heal donghyuck's still open and still aching wound.

"N-no"

"Then the vase wasn't your fault too"

"Y-yeah"

But mark knew he didn't believe what he just said...

He leaned forward and pulled donghyuck to his chest again, pressing a soft, gentle kiss on his forehead.

"It's okay"

It wasn't. It never was. For both of them. It wasn't. But they both needed to hear it was. They needed it more than anything in this life...

"I'm sorry" donghyuck said between his sobs.

Mark held him closer and said "it's okay" every single time.

All night long...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When donghyuck opened the door he didn't expect to find a smiling widely mark in front of him. But he wasn't complaining cause the boy in front of him had one of the best smiled he had ever seen.

This time it was mark who held his hand and pulled him towards his bedroom and made them sit down on his bed.

"Something happened" donghyuck asked, caressing mark's hand under his own.

Mark nodded and smiled wider.

"What happened ?"

"I broke up with her"

Donghyuck's smile immidetely dropped and he pulled his hand out of blonde's hold.

"You did what ?"

"I don't know if you can say it is a breaking up cause we weren't dating on the first place but-"

Donghyuck leaned forward and lookes into mark's eyes deeply "mark, what had you done ?"

He knew mark wasn't ready to let her go. He knew he shot a bullet to his own heart by leaving her. He knew he couldn't be happy without her even though he wasn't happy with her too. He knew he loved her too much to breathe properly without her smell on his skin.

Mark smiled for a bit more before pouncing on donghyuck to wrap his arms around him and sobbed his heart out.

"She didn't even ask "why ?". She didn't even care that my eyes were teary. She didn't care that i was faking my smile. She knew i was. But she didn't care...she just laughed at my face and said "okay. It was a fun ride. Thanks for that." She didn't even care when i stumbled my way out of her room. She just kept applying her lipstick, looking at the mirror."

Donghyuck was rubbing his back, whispering small "it's okay"s to his ear everytime he sobbed.

"She always loved herself the most. But she...she never loved me...and i wanted to hate her...i want to hate her...but i can't...and i'm hating myself for that..."

Donghyuck pecked tender kisses all over his face, down to his neck and back to his head.

"Mark"

"Why am i like this ? Why can't i just hate her ?"

"Mark"

"Maybe she was right. Maybe i love her too much to love my own self."

"Mark."

Donghyuck's hand on his cheek stopped him and made him look back into his eyes.

Donghyuck smiled at him sweetly even though it was a small one and caressed his cheeks again, softer this time.

"It will be okay. You will be okay."

Mark's answer was jumping into his arms again, crying harder this time. Donghyuck put his hand on top of his head and started singing his favorite lullaby. 

The lullaby that talks about how a little rabbit had to leave her two front teeth behind to live in another place where she could finally find her peace, her home, her mother. It was so painful for her to rip off her own teeth, bleeding and crying cause of how painful it was and worrying about how she will live without her teeth but she knew she had to do this to be better. She had to kill the pain to find the relief. So she did it. The pain was terrible but not as bad as the one inside her. So she left her two pearl white, shiny teeth behind her and went to the other place. Where she finally did find her peace. Her mouth hurted so so so bad. But it was okay. Pain was more bearable now that she found her peace...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"M-mark"

"Yes ?"

"I-i will go to see him today"

"........"

"Can you come with me ?"

"Of course"

"...Thank you"

"It's okay"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donghyuck knelt down in front of him, like he did a thousand times before when he yelled at him and pushed him down his knees to yell more and started talking with a shaky voice.

"I-i...you...you hurted me...you hurted me so badly...in so many ways...you broke my heart more times than i can even count...you killed a part inside of me that i know i can never get it back even if i get healed...you made me suffer every day and night. Especially night when you came to my dreams, when you came to my room...i tried to live with your ghost over me, shadowing on my life...but...but i can't anymore...i can't live like that anymore...i don't forget nor forgive the way you made me suffer...but i don't wish you to suffer either...i just...i'm just letting you go...please go...go so away from me...please...i'm letting you go..."

He picked up the few Daffodils from the hand's behind him and placed them on the grass, right in front of his grave stone that the words "taken from us too early and caused all of us an unbearable pain" was written on...

Then suddenly small drops of rain started dropping down. Donghyuck's lips started shaking again...that day it was raining too...the road was so slippery...so easy to ram into a three...

He felt a hand on his shoulder, holding him securely. Donghyuck just nodded to the boy standing beside him, got up from the ground and said a one last "i'm letting you go" before walking away from the small graveyard, holding onto mark's hands cause his knees were too shaky for him to walk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It will be okay" mark said while they were lying on his bed. "You will be okay"

And for the first time in his life donghyuck wanted to believe that he was going to be okay. They both was going to be. It was the hardest thing to believe for him. But he still tried. He still tried.

They didn't talk again that night, just lied there hugging and crying together...

They weren't boyfriends, they weren't lovers, they weren't friends. They were just two people who found their long lost comfort in each other's embrace...

**Author's Note:**

> Why donghyuck gave him daffodils ? 
> 
> "Daffodils represent forgiveness, new beginnings and a rebirth. They are identified by a trumpet-shaped center surrounded by petals that create a star shape. Daffodils are grown from bulbs and readily return each spring, signifying the end of winter and a new season beginning."
> 
> I found this while searching for the flowers that means "forgiveness". I'm not an expert about the meanings of flowers(even though i'm so interested at that) so i'm sorry if i know it wrong. I just meant that donghyuck forgave him and said he is having a new beginning, such a hard one but a new one and that he let him go finally.
> 
> I just want to add this here too cause i know some people will misunderstand it: like i also wrote in the story itself they weren't friends with benefits or lovers so no, they never had any sexual thing happen between them. They didn't even kiss each other on the lips. And this wasn't a love story. They weren't in love with each other. Their bond was deeper than even being in love. They needed comfort and they gave each other comfort. This story was compeletly about that. And it definetely isnt about romanticizing pain in any way. It's just about being in need of some comfort, some care and some warmth from someone and two people helping each other about it.
> 
> I am also so sorry if i offended anyone who had an abusive relationship before. I'm so sorry if i made you sad in any way. My aim was definetely not that. I would never do that. I had many friends who had been in a relationship like that before(and i got abused too before)(but not in a romantic relationship) so i know how much pain you are in and i'm so sorry that this happened to you. I am so sorry.


End file.
